


Company Picnic

by lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)



Series: 1-800-did-I-ask [24]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Broken Bones, Hospitals, Modern AU, Multi, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-16 03:16:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7249819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lol_phan_af/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>johnn: how hard am I blushing </p><p>laf: oh my god john </p><p>laf: the answer is a lot like very very very a lot </p><p>more like HUNKules: I leave to go get one fuckign sunhat and I come back to alex looking like a fucking vision and you two looking like you're simultaneously trying not cry and also trying not to rip his clothes off </p><p>laf: I'm deceased</p>
            </blockquote>





	Company Picnic

**Author's Note:**

> sHOUTOUT TO THE ANON I GOT ON TUMBLR FOREVER AGO THAT HAD THE POLYVORE IDEA ON IT I CHANGED IT A BIT BUT ITS STILL THERE

**laf** : wASHINGTON IS SO DONE I FEEL SO BAD FOR HIM

**more like HUNKules** : WHAT HAPPENED

**little lion** : IM CRYING

**more like HUNKules** : WHAT HAPEPENED

**johnn** : GWASH CALLS THE W H O L E OFFICE INTO THIS HUGE CONFERENCE ROOM THAT WE HAVE BUT NEVER USE AND HE WAS LIKE FIUNOREJVNGLEKWGNLSD;K

**johnn** : fuCK WHAT DID HE SAY

**little lion** : "listen, I am grateful for all of you and the work you do here, but I do not wish to become any closer  to you all than I already am,,,,frankly I would hate it,,,,but martha is making me so I have to" *tosses folder onto table*

**more like HUNKules** : OH MY OGD

**johnn** : OH YEHAHA

**laf** : AND THEN EVERYONE WAS CONFUSED AND I WASL LIKE "is this the picnic thing???" anD HE GOES "sadly,,,,"

**little lion** : IDK HOW YOU KNEW ABOUT IT

**laf** : MARTHA TOLD ME

**little lion** : IDK WHY YOU WOULDNT TELL US

**laf** : AND MISS THE FUCKIFNF ME S S THAT WAS THAT CONFERENCE MEETING

**laf** : SORRY HON BUT NO

**little lion** : >:^(((

**laf** : STILL LOVE YOU THO

**little lion** : :^))))

**johnn** : tHEN HE GOES "I'm having a picnic at a park and you're all invited so come,,,or don't,,,I don't care,,,,,"

**little lion** : BY THIS POINT THE WHOLE OFFICE IS JUST KIND OF LOOKING AT EACH OTHE RLIKE,,,,,WHO HURT HIM,,,,BUT THEN LAF

**johnn** : FA LLS O U T OF T H EIR C HA IR

**johnn** : CAC K L I N G

**laf** : IT WAS FUFNFNNTNTNKHNLMNYTNT

**little lion** : AND GWASH JUST DID THE THROAT CLEARING THING AND EVERYONE TURNED AWAY

**little lion** : WHILE WE WERE LEFT TO PICK LAFAYETTE UP OFF OF THE FLOOR

**laf** : I HIT MY HEAD ON THE TABLE

**johnn** : THERES A RED MARK

**laf** : OH I ALSO HAVE ALL OF OUR OUTFITS PICKED OUT FOR THIS

**more like HUNKules** : I helped

**little lion** : HWAT THE FUCK YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS TOO

**more like HUNKules** : yeah

**little lion** : A N D  Y O U  D I D N T  T E L L  U S

**johnn** : TF HERCULES

**more like HUNKules** : LAFAYETTE TOLD ME NOT TO

**little lion** : WE ARE YOUR BOYFRIENDS

**more like HUNKules** : AND LAFAYETTE IS MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER LIKE TF YOUR POINT

**johnn** : THERES TWO OF US AND ONE OF LAF

**more like HUNKules** : LAFAYETTE IS MORE INTIMIDATING THAN THE BOTH OF YOU COMBINED

**laf** : HA

**little lion** : when did you even plan this

**more like HUNKules** : we sent each other polyvore collages with clothes that looked similar enough to ours to get the general idea

**laf** : anyway we need to go sunglasses shopping for it

**johnn** : you told me that you don't use polyvore anymore

**laf** : I said that I don't post on it

**laf** : which I don't

**johnn** : I feel like you were just saying that so that you wouldn't have to look at my posts

**laf** : youRS WERE CUTE

**johnn** : don't lie to me

**laf** : THEY WERE

**laf** : A LITTLE UNCOORDINATED AND ASYMMETRICAL BUT STILL CUTE

**johnn** : R U DE

**little lion** : MINE WERE CUTE

**laf** : they were

**little lion** : anyway how do you go sunglasses shopping

**laf** : you go to a sunglass store??

**little lion** : wELL YEAH BUT LIKE?? JUST FOR SUNGLASSES???

**laf** : no we also need sunhats

**laf** : and you need socks white socks

**little lion** : I have white socks

**laf** : lemme rephrase

**laf** : white socks that do not have small dogs printed on them

**little lion** : well then I'll just go fuck myself

**johnn** : with what

**little lion** : A: you know what I meant  
B: we are at work  
C: I am not masturbating at work nor am I sexting you here

**johnn** : IF NOT HERE THEN WHERE

**little lion** : at home?? where I can just have sex with you???? instead of texting you as if I was??? 

**johnn** : oh I will be calling for receipts

**little lion** : I plan on it

**laf** : oh god

\---

**more like HUNKules** : when is the picnic

**laf** : next weekend

**more like HUNKules** : so we buy sunglasses and sunhats tomorrow

**laf** : we need to have a fitting on sunday

**johnn** : did you not say that we already had the clothes you want us to wear

**laf** : yes but I need to see what they look like on you and then make adjustments

**johnn** : you just want to say what needs to be changed by dragging your hands all over our chests and see which one of us gasps first

**laf** : yeah pretty much

**little lion** : I'm for it

**johnn** : idk why you always lose

**little lion** : that's why I'm for it

**johnn** : ohhhhhhh

**little lion** : ;^)))))

\---

**little lion** : don't be mad at us

**laf** : what happened

**little lion** : yknow how you told us to go to the sunglass hut place and look around or whatever while you and herc got whatever you're getting

**laf** : we're getting you socks but yes I know what I told you

**little lion** : john tried on this really cute pair of sunglasses

**little lion** : and I just love john so much

**laf** : whAT. HAPPENED

**little lion** : I kissed him and we ended up knocking over a rack of them

**laf** : no

**little lion** : me and john are no longer allowed back in the sunglass hut

**laf** : oh my god

**johnn** : I have pictures of me in the sunglasses can you get them

**laf** : yeah but first you two have to come here bc idk if these hats go with your face shapes

**johnn** : on our way

\---

**johnn** : fuck

**laf** : don't talk about it

**johnn** : he looks so cute

**laf** : I SAID DONT TALK ABOUT IT

**johnn** : how hard am I blushing

**laf** : oh my god john

**laf** : the answer is a lot like very very very a lot

**more like HUNKules** : I leave to go get one fuckign sunhat and I come back to alex looking like a fucking vision and you two looking like you're simultaneously trying not cry and also trying not to rip his clothes off

**laf** : I'm deceased

**johnn** : it's just a sunhat I don't understand

**johnn** : but I don't have to

**laf** : I'm going to cry

**more like HUNKules** : he just asked us a question and none of us are answering

**johnn** : ""do I really look that bad that you're all looking at your phones to avoid making eye contact with me??"" FUCKKHGORGHE

**more like HUNKules** : there they go

**johnn** : how can lafayette pick him up so easily

**more like HUNKules** : lafayette is fuckign ripped are you kidding

**johnn** : why are we more concerned with this that with the fact that they're making out against a wall in this store

**more like HUNKules** : sHIT

\---

**little lion** : I??

**little lion** : you guys are so???

**little lion** : I love you all so much

**laf** : we love you too

**johnn** : you're getting that sunhat tho you're not allowed to not

**little lion** : idk how a sunhat makes me look t h a t appealing

**more like HUNKules** : you always look appealing

**johnn** : stunning even

**more like HUNKules** : it's just the v pretty hat paired with you as a person it's just

**more like HUNKules** : Too Much

**little lion** : this is embarrassing literally

**little lion** : I should gush about how pretty you all are more often if y'all are going to do it to me

**johnn** : alex I will die

**little lion** : MY HEART IS GOING TO BURST OUT OF MY CHEST IN .2 SECONDS JOHN THIS IS REVENGE

**johnn** : SC RE AM S

\---  
  
**laf** : me and herc have your sunglasses if you want them

**johnn** : YESSS

**little lion** : we're going to slay this picnic

**laf** : damn straight

**little lion** : never say that again

**laf** : but it's fun and you can't control me

**little lion** : I

\---

**little lion** : do you ever just want to

**little lion** : grab john by the fACE

**laf** : yes

**little lion** : and kiss him very softly everywhere

**laf** : yes

**little lion** : I lvoe him

**laf** : saME

**more like HUNKules** : can you two hurry tf up and come out here I need to see how you look

**little lion** : did you steal these clothes from the closet

**more like HUNKules** : ANYWAY

**laf** : here I come

**little lion** : same

**johnn** : I'm just going to melt into the floor that's fine

\---

**laf** : !!!PICNIC TIME!!!

**little lion** : I think I look stupid with these sunglasses on

**laf** : you and I bought the same sunglasses

**little lion** : yes but you are wearing an outfit made of sunshine and beauty and I am wearing this

**laf** : you're wearing a button down shirt what the fuck are you talking about

**little lion** : the khakis

**laf** : you're not supposed to be wearing khakis

**little lion** : that's what was in the bag

**laf** : come out here

**laf** : those weren't the shorts you tried on but they look better than the ones we picked out

**little lion** : question:

**little lion** : are you saying that bc they make my ass looks better in these than they did in the other ones

**laf** : yeah

**laf** : but also it goes with the watermelon pink shirt that I love a lot just like I love you a lot

**little lion** : I'm done with everything

**little lion:** love you too

**laf** : <3 <3 <3 <3

\---

**johnn** : can you guys get here

**laf** : not my fault you and hercules got tacked with helping gwash set up

**johnn** : idek how you and alex are literally like his kids

**johnn** : in a way that doesn't make it weird bc you're engaged

**laf** : it's bc he loves us that we didn't get tacked with helping

**laf** : me and alex got the house to ourselves for like two hours which actually never happens

**little lion** : I totally had to squeeze myself out of those khakis and then back into them just so you know bc lafayette is a heathen

**little lion** : also we're in the stairwell just so you know I'm not texting while driving

**johnn** : god bless

**johnn** : also did you know that hercules can carry like,,,whole tables,,,,on his shoulders

**johnn** : it makes me feel things

**more like HUNKules** : it was hell bc I was told that I'm not allowed to sweat in this outfit

**laf** : you're not

**more like HUNKules** : I didn't

**laf** : good

**laf** : also we're like almost there

**johnn** : GOOD

**more like HUNKules** : GOOD

\---

**johnn** : this is the worst thing I have ever seen

**laf** : what's happening I'm talking to martha about apartments

**laf** : she said she's seen a few that we might like btw

**more like HUNKules** : SECOND THING ON THE LIST

**johnn:** ANYWAY

**johnn** : aLEX IS JUST

**johnn** : SHOVELING WATERMELON INTO HIS MOUTH

**johnn** : LIKE HE'S ONLY PAUSING TO SPIT OUT THE SEEDS

**laf** : first time he's ever done that

**johnn** : STOP

**johnn** : also not true there was that one time

**laf:** that was because I fuckign whispered "welcome to flavortown" as it was ~~happening~~ and he started laughing so hard that he choked  
  
 **john:** that wasn't the only time that happened that night

**laf:** yes it was don't insult his skills like this

**johnn** : ANYWAY HE'S NOT PAUSING AND HE'S HAD LIKE EIGHT PIECES SOMEONE HELP ME

**laf** : IM COMING

**johnn** : not the first time you've ever done that while alex has handled seed

**laf** : FUCK YOU

\---

**more like HUNKules** : jmads and I were just talking

**more like HUNKules** : do I really look like that or are you all just playing me

**little lion** : you look like that

**little lion** : idk you're cuter tho

**more like HUNKules** : I???

\---

**more like HUNKules** : where is laf???

**johnn** : I don't know????

**johnn** : MY HAT JUST FLEW AWAY IN THE WIND

\---

**johnn** : ALEX JUST CLIMBED UP A TREE TO GET MY HAT BACK

**johnn** : HE CANT GET DOWN

**johnn** : LAFAYETTE AND GWASH ARE ASLEEP ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TREE

**more like HUNKules** : GET ALEX D OW N

**johnn** : I don't need to anymore

**more like HUNKules** : what happened

**johnn** : he fell out of the tree

**johnn** : there was a crack

**johnn** : it woke up laf and gwash

**more like HUNKules** : GET HIM

**johnn** : he's crying

**more like HUNKules** : IM COMING

**johnn** : laf is carrying him to the car

**more like HUNKules** : IM RUNNINNG TO THE CAR

**more like HUNKules** : IM HERE

**johnn** : I don't know how to handle this rn

**more like HUNKules** : what

**johnn** : none of us have ever gotten hurt like this idk what to do

**more like HUNKules** : tell laf to drive

\---

**GWASH** : is alexander alright

**laf** : his arm is broken in two places and they're keeping him overnight for observation for concussions and stuff I guess??? but other than that he's fine

**GWASH** : you, hamilton, and laurens are all excused from work on monday

**laf** : it's appreciated but I think alex might actually kill us all if we tried to stop him from working

**GWASH** : I wouldn't put it past him

**laf** : yeah neither would I

\---

**laf** : tfw I had to bribe the nurse to let three people into alex's hospital room what the fuck

**johnn** : I had to bribe her too what the fuck

**more like HUNKules** : hA YOU JUST GOT PLAYED

**johnn** : what tHE FKCU

**laf** : I HATE THIS

\---

**eliza** : WHAT HAPPENED TO ALEX

**angelica** : WE'RE SO WORRIED

**cinnamon roll** : IS HE OKAY

**laf** : HES FINE HES FINE

**johnn** : ITS JUST A BROKEN ARM

**more like HUNKules** : THEY'RE KEEPING HIM OVERNIGHT JUST TO SEE

**angelica** : OKAY BUT WHAT H A P P E N E D BC I WAS THERE BUT ALL I SAW WAS ALEX CRYING AS LAF CARRIED HIM TO THE CAR

**johnn** : HE FELL OUT OF A TREE TRYING TO GET MY SUNHAT

**cinnamon roll** : that is the gayest way to break your arm

**eliza** : it's not

**cinnamon roll** : can you think of another one

**eliza** : well yeah but it didn't result in a broken arm it just got bruised

**cinnamon roll** : is this abt yours and maria's sex life

**eliza** : yes

**cinnamon roll** : then I do not want to hear it

**eliza** : that's fair

**johnn** : anyway,,,

**johnn** :  we're gonna go back in his room now and we're not allowed to have our phones in there so we'll send you updates

**johnn** : we'll also tell him abt this don't worry

**cinnamon roll** : god bless

**eliza** : you can leave out the part w/ me and maria

**laf** : that's the first thing I'm telling him

**eliza** : of course it is

**eliza** : !!tell alex we love him!!

**cinnamon roll** : !!!!!!!

**johnn** : WE WILL

**laf** : BYE

**angie** : bYE

**eliza** : B Y E  
  
**cinnamon roll** : TTYL

**Author's Note:**

> these keep getting longer??? and it's only literally like five minutes of actual picnic ha


End file.
